These are My Shadows

Mission—I create a safe world through self care and service
Shadow mission—I create a lonely world through avoidance, procrastination and walling off.

KEY
1) shadow
2) this is what typically triggers me
3) this is how I am safe with others
4) this is what I have learned about myself from that shadow
5) this is how I lead from this self understanding

1) I am a man that doesn’t matter to other people.
2) People don’t return my calls or texts, they don’t reach out to me, I am not chosen.
3) People give me attention, time, and material gifts. Or, I get to a place where I don’t need those from others.
4) I see that the line above ‘People give me attention, time, and material gifts,’ is what my mom gave me (and sometimes did not give me). I will want to continue to give these things to myself.
5) I will not base my self esteem on the actions of others. I will love all men, offer my gifts, freely, in the best way I know how, and not expect anything in return. I will nurture and soothe 15 year old Stuart.

1) I am a man that is defective, broken, dirty and not wanted.
2) I am ignored or shunned. Not included.
3) People ask me how I am, show interest, give praise, touch me, invite me to come along. Or, I get to a place where I don’t need those from others.
4) I don’t want anyone to feel this way. I want to give interest and kindness to all souls regardless of who they appear to be. Each person was an innocent child at one time.
5) I listen closely. I bring that person into my mind and then into my body. I ask open ended questions.

1) I am a man with poor boundaries, and a weak ’NO’ that allows people into my life who will take advantage of me, disregard me, and step on my feet.
2) Roommates don’t follow agreements. ‘Friends’ don’t respond to me. People take advantage of me, sometimes with my permission.
3) I get back what I give. Or, I get to a place where I don’t need that from others.
4) Because I am poor at relationship with myself and others, I am desperate for friends, I will people please, and stay in relationship with others who do not give back what I am willing to give. I want to be liked. I want attention and praise.
5) I create clear agreements. I communicate clearly. I say what the impacts on me are. I use a strong ’NO.’

1) I am a man that is behind in life, immature, shallow, not present, not well spoken, and with few assets.
2) People talk about their assets, children, extended families or houses. A person speaks eloquently, with depth, nuance and presence.
3) I celebrate and hold my unique path. I serve in ways that my unique experience allows.
4) As a coping mechanism I have chosen to wall off and go it alone in life. Not depend on others. And, I am a survivor. I think outside of the box.
5) I do my best. I recognize and nurture those who are like me. I bring fresh insight from my unique experience.

1) I am a man that holds grudges and retaliates
2) People who cross me, insult me or disregard me.
3) I remember what is mine, and especially, what is not mine.
4) I don’t like to be in conflict. I create unnecessary suffering for myself. It is a younger aspect of me that is triggered. I can be a bully.
5) I catch and discharge unwanted energies. I remember that people have suffered and might get triggered by me. I remain calm.